I had a conversation with my mother this morning that is making me wonder about the place I am currently in. Last night, a friend of mine put up a post on facebook telling all of her friends that her mother said she wished she had never had her. Now I know we all say things we don't mean, but that is a little harsh. Don't you agree?
My mother justified her mother's statement by saying "At 20 and 21 we thought you would be out in the world without us, but you all are still here and we're still having to support you. You all are not productive and you're not helping us out either. You all aren't doing anything."
I can't say how helpful my friend is at home, but the girl works a full time job and is trying to get herself back in school. I would call that doing something. I would call that doing a lot, seeing as how she works Mon. - Sun. on a regular basis. I'm surprised she isn't working herself to an early grave.
I, on the other hand, do not have a full time job. I was there. I tried it. It didn't work out. Oh, well. I've moved on.
I'm trying to start my own business. I'm trying to pull in clients. I'm trying to make something for myself that is MINE. Isn't that productive?
If not, then let me add this. I cook every single meal in this house. It may be just my mother and myself, but it's a whole lot to cook for two when one of the people who eats here is super picky. If cooking doesn't count as being productive then maybe all of the science projects I've done, cupcakes I've baked, and papers I've helped grade/write for my "in the process of student teaching" mother should count. Just because she's my mother I don't have to do those things. I choose to.
I could easily tell her that I'm not helping find or cut out shadow puppets. I don't want to make the twister in a jar. I'm not baking cupcakes for the bake sale. I'm not going to give up my prized magazines, with all of the recipes I've been saving, for your school children to cut up and feed to a giant goat (something else I had to find/ help cut out) as a part of your nutrition section. I don't have to do these things.
And do you think I hear a thank you? Sure, after I mention she forgot to say it. "You're appreciated.", she says. How can I feel appreciated when you're bombing my "productivity"? I can't. So, I'd thank her much to keep her mouth shut or trade positions with me.
I firmly believe two things. 1.) No one can ever make you feel bad without your expressly given permission and 2.) You should always look at both sides of a situation. Parents sometimes need to focus on the latter a little more.